Sensational Versus the reality .... of hoarding

... My fluctuations in research on this matter is of interesting thought ... I tend to write from my view point ... And the very real knowledge on the subject ... 

One day I hope to write and collate how it was ... 

What I do know in my progress of the piecing together of three generations of only males on the paternal line ... there is a definitive pattern of OCH ... With my daughter ... Her boyfriend we have pieced the fragments over this time 

My NHO heard me say the very word hoarding for the first recently. I write much, I say much ...  but as with fellow collectors,  the words of the many in these recovery years are a source of irritation ... And their reference to these programmes along the way  ....it does not fully portray the nature ... of the environment... behind the environment... 

Our situation was as unique as an alcoholic who also has to deal with assumptions ... and that is another completely different ritual my late husband was stuck in from first being bullied out of work which spiralled into a long decade of phobias and exacerbating into the climax of insensitivity which meant the control of collecting and those first one to one sessions and group sessions of throwing balls in an hospital out patient  environment my husband hoped I would never see as horrendously archaic even at the end of the millennium ... Into the final months meant that insensitivity and misunderstanding of the root cause of the environment which worsened instead of getting resolved by continued apathy and wilful neglect  ... which was completely taken advantage of ... to save time and money 

And worse was still to come with the failed action of a multi agency meeting and the post crisis  failings on the learnings of the failings ... Failings of the learnings 

and my eternal scars of misplaced mistrust post crisis was misinterpreted into so much ... the words not found at this moment in times... 

That when I reached out for help it did not come either ... that a sting in the tail ... the raw sea salt in wounds so deep ... the scars so invisible .. the ripple of the pond so far out the lines are faded this far along in time ... there is no report in my notes or if so .. so lost along and in the non transparency I know so well from behind the scenes elsewhere ... 

The misinterpretation of my communications in the way I communicated lost in the future ... no knowledge of my silent suffering as I awaited and no one came ... again and again and again ... Only if you scream and shout would I have been contained under all those acts ... Thoughts not so robust as deeds cos of and thankfully bit better respect to the archaic times of bedlam  ... 

And Cos I was silent in words it did not come 

And has be ... my diagnosis only as recent as the ink on this if printed out ... 

A part start ... A long way off yet in conclusion ... 

After fallen on ears that did not listen ...

On the effects of living in adverse times 

... Did a bit of my own research ... One is not lazy when it is for oneself ... 

On all my own personal concerns ... Times that even trained eye cannot see 

... the fact the start of a better diagnosis proves my continued points with all due respect ... 

What I lived I know the detrimental negative as well as the positive benefits effects it will have 

Following on from the pattern ....of the two before me from that time ...and their demises ...

... Be good to thyself ... 

And on my most recent coach journey ... When the bus driver took a cat nap on some some empty seats near me ... I did not bat an eyelid ... 

others woes ...

in all around ... the times you just listen ... Some trivial to you, but to others their world is falling apart ... 

The ones that impact on a life ... the prayers and thoughts asked for ... 

However it is ... It is surreal post crisis to be back out in that environment, through a different perspective on the impact of being to some people ... When we were in the gutter of life ... 

In the early days after coming back to the world. I kept coming across this person who kept asking everyone for money ... unfortunately it was to be used for the usual, we make assumptions about, and this turned 'em nasty  ... the skin colour not good from being unkempt too ... I did not give any when I was asked.

It was when my own finances, were in a mess. 

And although I more attuned to this ...I am quite hard, when it comes to what it can be used for ... 

"Do I buy; when I take donations to the charity shop ... ?"

..." No I do not... I would only be buying back what I have given"!  I retorted ...

I could have set up my own charity shop by now.

or have had many a garage sale 

... The only caveat being you can not give some of the stuff away ... 

... Fluctuations in interests ...

... vary widely ...

And no amount of mood lift attempts to shift it 

Time moves on without me along for the ride at these times

It is so surreal 

to have lived in a time not used to by the majority in this country, 

to then get to live back in amongst that majoity

The Work and living Environments

...not as much head way as you'd think with rules and regs in other areas of life ... 

The greed of space has long been known in travelling for what would have once been called third class ...  Until that was abolished in 1956 for rail travel ... 

Their are several places in this town that would have failed in their gold standards had they been a larger part of a chain or in social housing ... 

The continual regulation change in housing. I was advised at my recent gas safety check that the outside pipe on these systems requires lagging ... There is always someone in and out with new regulations put in place. 

Our safety is of utmost importance with this particulat Housing association. The fact that most of us spend our working day out of the home into sometimes dangerous jobs or environments, has some irony in that. 

And from my observations from post crisis ... Some work environments have actually deteriorated since I was last out and about. It is probably from the recession ... That in part caused my late husband's death ... 

Inspired by our inspiration ... And experience in hoarding

From death day to today

Fellow clear outs in all shard and shapes and forms

Housekeeping life

Today ... My sister 

.. In preparation for working from home after two weeks recuperating from her op to be 

And they took out the documents of a filing cabinet and started shredding info from Dads disability injuries that is no longer required 

The riddance of unwanted clutter in time ...

The Different Styles of Charity Shops 

The cut throat world of charity ... 

The shops who take ages to process your wares to those who put it straight out on the shop floor  ... We have our preferred ones ... We have spread it out over time with the quantity from two homes and a room ... 

The van loads leaving from the other property. That will be an option for large quantities of furniture that was lined all around the master bedroom wall ... when we can back to it .... the stuff retrieved before the mass clear, the newly acquired beds coming back from temporary accomodation  ... 

The new items waiting to go in still full cupboards ... the new stock of food ... My clothes ... Bed linen ... The cleaning and utility equipment struggling for space in cupboards stuffed with things to still get through ... 

This all happened when I could not face looking behind doors or in drawers, for those who did not realise .... during the bumpy patch of non continuity of the care package in place ... In all that stuttering ...the many mutters and tuts and buts ... 

... when the middle of a room is cleared and you finally get to access these spaces ... You are transported with inexplicable feelings of time stood still ... And all old and out of use by now ... 

Bootfairs ... Selling on ... or FreeCycle as it was ... 

The discussion in talk of boot fairs and selling on line ... by some professionals along the way ... did not get the situation ... I may by now look more like them .... I may now smell like them or not ...  I was overwhelmed, not arsed or had a car and no wish to do so for now ... 

The home too has been said it looked like someone who down sized, and tried to fit it all in ... despite the fact this is a spacious flat with a decent size kitchen and bathroom with a pantry ... a cupboard in the entrance small hall and a fitted cupboard in one bedroom ...

It also has an airing cupboard ... And where all flats except ground floor have a cupboard just outside  from the front door ... Ours on the ground floor flats are with the row of sheds in the garden ... 

There is good space ... And for the functions of these spaces ... behind these cupboard doors ... 

When the world away in clutter comes back in line with time and how my home worked for me ... 

My time consuming world ... behind many doors ...