A settlement

within a settlement 

 A view of more fields under a load of concrete and structures that often become a mish mash with different plans and architectural designs. 

The census will give an explosion of populations 

The vehicles a burden on roads; already at times gridlocked 

The machines taken jobs do less in much 

The way new builds are put up ...

And through to the fine finish not thought out ... 

Nostalgia shared on

further than books 📚 and word of mouth 👄...

This is bountiful in beauty... Though I sometimes miss some of the things destroyed... The touch and feel of memories bathe in much prompt of inspiration ...

Today is the traditional pudding memory Lane ...  not necessary just my culture either ... Sacha torte purchased in Knightsbridge... delicious and delectable .... 

The three best bakers in time here, there in Harrods and my home town in Kernow ... 

...and the most succulent Apple pie and chocolate cake beyond all I have ever tasted ... that our own paternal Granny home baked every time we visited. We had an abundance of goodies laid on. I have never not tasted Apple pie quite like that ever or since!!!! 

Repeatedly asked

at the bus 🚌 stop ✋ ... this week ... what buses are what .... the illusion I knew more than the young person who knew more than me actually ... that happens a lot ... I am usually the one confirming .... The silent reassurance... especially in the first days ... 

And this week I can only manage myself in small steps oblivious to much around ... I was looking at the bus 🚌 timetable myself making sure it was going the right way being a diversion circular 💧  ... not a two way road route ... 

I have two bus routes I am familiar with the 477 and the 233 .... I will need to know the other routes for back up, the 477 being unreliable ....

The 233 has thrice as many 🚌  as the 477 ... and regular as clockwork usually .... 

And a few tips picked up along the way... for the same price as a day return you can get a day pass ... hopping on and off as many times which I have done in 🎯ford, the hospital and then Blue Water ... and all in between ... 

The 233 is even less inexpensive being able to use the Oyster card ... Sidcup Eltham and via routes my daughter taken me to get to Bexleyheath and Crayford I think  ... 

I too have been times to get somewhere on that route in time on own in good mood attempts too. A very familiar route by car 🚗 once ... 

I used to work in Blackheath a long while ago ... too using a car provided ... 

Those were my wee confidence days before my personality perspective altered ... 

Sibling Rivalry

advice from a sister about my new social media skills to come on those many platforms  .... she saying how many she got! I didn't have the heart to tell her I belong to a closed group too and there are actually more members in friends in one swipe of joining the fold...! 

And that word is a bit better than friends ... when many are passing at times in acquaintance.... There is much to bring back a smile .! 

Stats in Facts

a time in learning communications again ... getting 200+ emails a day. The connections made, having 1000+ friends .. Thesec are by no means just the young. Only getting 21followers from this volume of people shows the true meaning of friends ... 

By the way my Facebook portfolio is I think Eight!!! I do have one group of acquaintances consisting of 70+

The other eight are all family! I could have had a friend friend of late hubbys in a time when I was struggling and only using it for ease of connecting my accounts of interest ... in setting up a new system in life of virtual ...

. I have kept it in check along with not getting beyond thyself  ... 

The banes ...

to gains and advantage from the cons of the Virtual world... several accounts have been updating their web site designs or changed the T&Cs or improving general access or what have you over the time ... 

This meant that some of the gifts cards I registered in that process became gobbly gook. I had them resent and gained in the process... 

I still have the Doctors surgery one to understand  ...

... All a learning curve in this surreal time ... The advantages far out weigh it all...

Attention to Detail ...

... today the stock rotation not good in the store. There are those of us who delve for the good dates. Therefore one has to be up to speed. The fact I am interested in this again, is not lost on me. 

Any this saved stretching to the back, when in mind to remember, and not elsewhere! The negating of shops this time of year. The seasonal stock swelling in the normality. The timing of an evening before the stock pallets sail out more. The online shopping trolleys. Those who study the labels on stock and all manner of obstacles in the way of the products required.

Those apologetic in bumping in, or in the way. The turn of a customer today really studying some condensed milk. 

... A product well used in those family times passed down. And synonymous in those school lessons too ... 

... And a look see where it is placed now for a future recipe maybe, since the recent store revamp..

One of the many in stock items I used to have ... 

The Oyster Card

a feature in a Dr Who episode.

It has been of great assistance to my travel. I have not used it yet, in the complicated way to get to some places .. And when I book travel online it is easier to not faff about with it. 

... That reminds me I need to top it up . ... you can use contactless card . I prefer to have a separate card to combat confusion ... I will be using it again shortly ...

Only this year did it extend to my town, The old zone being  just one stop short!  ...

The sad in part

of the very first visit back to Cornwall. A bittersweet time in much change seeing the different facade of an area familiar but different. 

My Sunday school church was now knocked down. An empty space soon to be built on no doubt. I stood at the gate overlooking this space, that very first time on a tour of town and remembered how the corridors leading off the stage and around seemed endless when younger. The performances and parties for the community to share. The kitchen out of bounds until of an age to assist. The room in teaching and study behind the stage. The services at the front... it was a modern church. Their were no pews. 

The school church is still standing in its original facade. It now houses the local undertakers very recently they moved in. Again school services mixed with the Guide parades were held in my memory in this town of long time no see then. The carol services and our annual Nativity seasons. It was ornate, it had an openess with an upper floor with beautiful features. The Windows were floor to ceiling behind this. This had modern pews. 

The other traditional style town church which is older than the others attended again in the Brownie, Guide, Ranger and Young Leader capacity is still going strong. It was last attended with Hubby in tow. 

And these are not the only churches. The one where my Dad is now. The other villages lived.  And the area where Mum and Dad were married and we were christened. 

Then on my doorstep for a while was the Brompton Oratory. Then the Victorian and Albert Museum and the most filmed National History museum ... all those beautiful buildings still standing, used and enjoyed by millions ...  

I was spoilt in that time living in such an area of London where much was in walking distance ... and the choice... wow ... 

Donations in the

stores food bank trolley doing well ... it came back. There is no longer a box in the bank. Not everyone shops instore these days. That was a useful drop off point too. I believe it was in place before the logical place was a food store.

It is still a mute point with some. Why should we stump up the food, when so much good food wast is was binned in the food industry ! 

They do do their bit. For years in Dartford Sainsbury's donated near date items to the local Salvation Army to distribute 

Where once we gossiped

over the fence ...

 ... from the washing line to online 

The digressions of Facebook and the other numerous outlets of gossip and muse over much, still for me overwhelming so... The timeline of not only those you are friends with ... the springboard on from that ... in quantities far more than just a conversation... 

today it was the

street fundraisers a hound today .... or a conversation starter and then again ... depending how you look at it ... 

They were positioned outside the very charity shop that would take the donated items I had in my stash this particular day. I think they asked if I had a cat or a dog? (I am currently hard of hearing) ... on approaching the shop ... and again attempted the sell on my exit out .... At least I could not hear the spout of dribble today!

It was a bit like being a stranger in my own town, in parts today. 

The Wednesday trolley of literature out religiously every week, with the words of faith never bombarding you, just the pleasantries. The big issue. The buskers. The businesses with their gazebo or whatever. The market vendors. The continuous stream of those inside the local superstore, the annual times for ... poppies, daffodils, the self denial appeal etc ... one is more likely to respond positively if so wish ... 

Usually I am hounded when the face is strange. And in another town. And my gift is time and recycling what I have, presently. 

And the food bank is another source of contention. The BOGOFs for single or unnecessary purchases. I usually have a periodic clear out of what I have surplus of to the local food bank ... 

We were recipients of food parcel from a certain charity where a certain superstore offloaded excessive food.  

We were in the drift of that cutback in life resources resulting in death ... and so were the needs of others in the food banks that were popping up locally ... post crisis ... 

My ethnicity

in my recent call to 111 was asked along with their acknowledgement the questions about to ask may not seem relevant. I was in such pain. I just needed reassurance. I knew from experience how fatal it can be. That night I was determined not to call the other number. I was right to be concerned. The advice to take a photo or mark it with a pen and the hope not to have a drip of antibiotics. Thankfully the oral antibiotics did the trick. Although I had signs on my hands too at one point 

It is like the time I had to sign the consent for an emergency c section ... I was extremely out of it ... How on earth are you supposed to concentrate on the small print in the middle of those contractions ... ?  Do I wish to wear my wedding ring ... ? And so on ... The prepping for an operation in the abundance of questions while our baby was struggling ... All in the stride of best everyone is able ... 

While all you want is the immediate result to stop the suffering ... in the middle of all these protocols ... which are far far away when in the middle of distress ... it is the same in the mental stress only no one is there to reassure the pain ... and much much more ... 

We all ignore

much ... this after a killing of a spouse more noticeable when it is grave and not realised ... it is naturally only to catch some of us ... 

The continuation of life in void of what should have been ... I am pave in the way of much change within change and take no sillys ... 

Only the last month our daughter in time treasured together seen the picture amore tad of my ups, downs and ills ... My mouth of bitter in truth of more she did not know ... in that time ... the improvements much, the lapses such, the irritation of a skin flare up needing a course of antibiotics they cared about to adapt in getting a bit more comfort in the new home to ease those woes ...

The passage of time eliminating what is thought. The actual entirely a different matter. The moans and groans around in a part of country different. Not too disimilar in all the areas of my visits ...

Only those I connect with in the talk of hoard. I mostly listen. A town councillor. The homeless. The drunks. The lonely. The young. The old. The ills. The bereaved. A receptionist. Charity shop assistants. The shop people. The begging. The cold sales. The busking. The big issue. Fellow lone and other travellers. The chatting up. And the massive flirting. The anger. The bitterness. Others empathy. The fellow confused. The assistance in my injuries and confused state. The one time I had a melt down immediate post crisis in public and so much more ...

The secondary to kin

of the initial primary client in storm of not in sync with life was much missed in our time .... 

I have much to say ... little to write at times ... and vice versa ... things one says ... Others words locked up inside of me 

What I see

to others see ...

but then we only see our life like no other

a view out from one portal of many ... I am still living what came and went like so many since been and gone ... The need of full faculties and communications in skills and the right temperate in people in their intervention ... 

That ...that happens

in irony to some ... Struggling with sore hot inflamed skin in a wide circular band round a lower limb ... 

One of the many beneficiaries of our extensive finds of a home much is to a skin charity ... although they are one of many who used the forced unpaid work scheme. I witnessed samples of in my recovery care, which rolled on from the future jobs fund programme which again saw rising stars within an housing association ... The pros and cons of seeking a solution to a vocation and not for just the young ... 

While I was in the long haul with late hubby at one time I was targeted for a period of time ...  in attending forced work interviews ... I was unable to attend .. I could not leave the house on a regular basis ... Another irony for my job part once was at opposing ends of my own family ... 

Latchkey kids stemmed from the war in the second world one ... A contradictions in a country much ... A family gets reprimanded doing the very thing that is law in context of work ... or war ...

And leaving your own kids with others, to look after other kids  ... The fundamental basics in life of much expectancy ... 

Fluctuations in cost

for the same standard items across parts of England ...

in Kernow shopping a grocery shop could be more expensive for me  .. In Crewe in Greggs it is 10p less than in Dartford ... 

this I am remembering again this divide within a country ... thankfully when I am tired thy Cornish lilt comes through rather than my city slang ... I blend in although the way I say ta ra gives it away ... 

Eco space ... as standard ...

not small builds squeezed in ... put in place of these historical buildings being demolished ... to make way for supposed progress ...

This Great Barrier Reef showing one of those examples on the long term decline on the environment of how new builds could be better served in harnessing nature instead against it ... The blank canvas created by pulling down buildings of old in long term thought not short term money ... all those design ideas buzzing in those brilliant minds out there ... 

The infra structure imposed on instead of ... Design is a concept only thought about by like minds ...

I am in the process of designing a bathroom curtain instead of lined ...I am piecing together two complimentary fabrics into reversible tab tops ... this enables a two way interchangeable take on the bathroom ... 

Back to back homes

...with mazes of roads. This rather like in my birth county of another railway town ... the many, many alleyways of a Cheshire town ... 

The way this life style in an historical setting from the industrial revolution in GB to another modern town of knocking down historical buildings, I currently live in. They have just swung a bull dozer chain and ball through the middle of my present town since the 1960s. They continue to do so right up to this current day. The old men's working club knocked down at the end of my road, very recently ....

Introduced to one of the

many global life styles trends that sometimes have mass impact of today

It goes to see how dangerous it can be ... we were crossing the road when one popped up in the area of pull in happen ... I still no idea what the appropriate speak of this particularly app game ... 

Which I have experienced for the first time in action yesterday ... yet another app or two as happens with the youth ... I have since my having these modern device been intrigued in what occupies others minds ... 

Another weave in time ...

the tattered threads of life neatly stitching together at instaneous milliseconds... The numb in much receding back into the shadows ... in patches and paths many ... 

In the week of one July

while the next generation build their own home from the start ....

The news on slums returning in this country .... They never left. 

In my years of moving around counties and in my vocation and volunteering I have seen much squalor. And of course it goes without saying ... how my very own home disappeared over a period of traumatic time. 

On living and working in a city for a few years. The many travels within that city. The high rise, the hospital I had access to the inner workings via Consultants and Professors. The cleaning staff of other cultures with limited English. The team of valued people in different layers of life. The basic to real gold taps and decor oozing out of decadence. 

The much varied time from those that have or not... Those that shelter where they can on the street. And the good Samaritans who help these very same people in Knightsbridge, one day when they were haemorrhaging on the pavement from being unwell ... 

We are in much thankfulness and appreciation with what we have ... And in our background volunteering with our peers some of us strive to make it better instead of worse, like those ruthless greedy from self means in landlords being portrayed in the news yet again ... 

An organisation

as good as the order in it. The contradictions in one sentence to the next. The maladministration in sending me documents that distressed me in the mistake of sending to me not the investigation...  

This intriguing step in following this procedure on from that time. All interesting lines in this topsy world I was left within. 

Workings for a Friday

evening to keep the flow of work at work from the computer at home ... to have the predetermined day off next week ... With the condensed hours worked to have that time off as agreed ... I cannot go into specifics. This the life in the very same place I am on the other side on. 

A family member who works hard to keep things afloat as part of a team... 

The conversation a bit more equal again. The support I give in listening again. I am slowly there in that family support network that was out of function for a while. 

My mum bluntly put it ... " I have our daughter back". 

Yes I'm back, but very different. 

Components of subjects in mood

A many ... When I do not wish to broach a subject on a mood in that millisecond, it can go on a back burner ... I do not talk, where I can write and vice versa ... 

A look on the many genres, or whatever within the blogs ... I have not quite reached the quota per account yet ... I have ones that do not yet go far ... ready for those missions and studies on from this slow time in move ... 

... the one in anticipation of a perpetual change in year, unless the blog name could already be taken ... The majority of the time, the blog name comes up available instantaneously ... surprisingly 

July Graduation not

to be in 2016 ... an interesting year indeed ... where this years loss of a life, taken this life through a different door, for the last in that family line, our daughter ... 

... for us both ... more time spent together ... with our plans in faster fruition ... 

When death knocks at your door in taken a child before a parent, whatever age and their own child still a teenager  ... it is a life altering time in much ... let alone the complications in that preceding time ... and the impact of this latest time ... we are not hanging about where we try not to have to ... 

'Case in point'

'Welcome to my world' ... I ought to design some clothes emblazoned with my mood of the day ... The next twist in the tale ... on waking this morning ... 

Let's see what avenue I find myself by wither the next five ... 

Tread with care

in maintaining momentum ... those times still with me on those strange moments reflective in life as those moments that jump in those extraordinary moments ... 

It still happens

I was exposed to the ads you see in flaunt of old tat to me, while settling in a cinema to watch unusually for me. I normally see an actionable film to make use of the big screen, I was in the mood for something a bit more real. I chose a poignant film. 

It really irks me. The billboards in smooth and flawless outside in the shopping mall... Whilst inside the ad for the same film in wrinkles and crinkles. And that although may not be absolutely fabulous ...  it was funny in dated. A bit too silly, this what is liked ... the overtop of surreal, the totally stupid humour ... I will wait to see that eventually on the small screen, unless I get the cinema surround sound hubby never was to get that time ...

The lovely Groany world

I step outside. Two sisters with badges preach to me, trying to offer me info, I am getting phobic to. I am in a shop, the moans. I am in a taxi, the pry for info. I am a regular in a chemist. I happen to have a one off prescription straight from the doc, one day, it does not register with my usual reference number. They try to enroll me, when I already am. 

The sell or pry ... but need help ... the walk away. 

A Simple Tea Shop

... in times before the some ridiculous rules and regulations ... 

Once, long before those times that came upon. I often thought to set up a simple tea shop. A place for a chat and time with a good brew with afternoon tea of old, a in quintessential England, environment. My and others talents on display. Though not for the ridiculous sums I have seen in recent times in tourist areas. 

Now I could not put up with the moans and groans, once ignored. And the fact that simplicity is not the in word. Although people shutting at lunchtimes. The rumours of no longer doing the 24 hour society ways. It maybe could be ...  

Sensational Versus the reality .... of hoarding

... My fluctuations in research on this matter is of interesting thought ... I tend to write from my view point ... And the very real knowledge on the subject ... 

One day I hope to write and collate how it was ... 

What I do know in my progress of the piecing together of three generations of only males on the paternal line ... there is a definitive pattern of OCH ... With my daughter ... Her boyfriend we have pieced the fragments over this time 

My NHO heard me say the very word hoarding for the first recently. I write much, I say much ...  but as with fellow collectors,  the words of the many in these recovery years are a source of irritation ... And their reference to these programmes along the way  ....it does not fully portray the nature ... of the environment... behind the environment... 

Our situation was as unique as an alcoholic who also has to deal with assumptions ... and that is another completely different ritual my late husband was stuck in from first being bullied out of work which spiralled into a long decade of phobias and exacerbating into the climax of insensitivity which meant the control of collecting and those first one to one sessions and group sessions of throwing balls in an hospital out patient  environment my husband hoped I would never see as horrendously archaic even at the end of the millennium ... Into the final months meant that insensitivity and misunderstanding of the root cause of the environment which worsened instead of getting resolved by continued apathy and wilful neglect  ... which was completely taken advantage of ... to save time and money 

And worse was still to come with the failed action of a multi agency meeting and the post crisis  failings on the learnings of the failings ... Failings of the learnings 

and my eternal scars of misplaced mistrust post crisis was misinterpreted into so much ... the words not found at this moment in times... 

That when I reached out for help it did not come either ... that a sting in the tail ... the raw sea salt in wounds so deep ... the scars so invisible .. the ripple of the pond so far out the lines are faded this far along in time ... there is no report in my notes or if so .. so lost along and in the non transparency I know so well from behind the scenes elsewhere ... 

The misinterpretation of my communications in the way I communicated lost in the future ... no knowledge of my silent suffering as I awaited and no one came ... again and again and again ... Only if you scream and shout would I have been contained under all those acts ... Thoughts not so robust as deeds cos of and thankfully bit better respect to the archaic times of bedlam  ... 

And Cos I was silent in words it did not come 

And has be ... my diagnosis only as recent as the ink on this if printed out ... 

A part start ... A long way off yet in conclusion ... 

After fallen on ears that did not listen ...

On the effects of living in adverse times 

... Did a bit of my own research ... One is not lazy when it is for oneself ... 

On all my own personal concerns ... Times that even trained eye cannot see 

... the fact the start of a better diagnosis proves my continued points with all due respect ... 

What I lived I know the detrimental negative as well as the positive benefits effects it will have 

Following on from the pattern ....of the two before me from that time ...and their demises ...

... Be good to thyself ... 

And on my most recent coach journey ... When the bus driver took a cat nap on some some empty seats near me ... I did not bat an eyelid ... 

others woes ...

in all around ... the times you just listen ... Some trivial to you, but to others their world is falling apart ... 

The ones that impact on a life ... the prayers and thoughts asked for ... 

However it is ... It is surreal post crisis to be back out in that environment, through a different perspective on the impact of being to some people ... When we were in the gutter of life ... 

In the early days after coming back to the world. I kept coming across this person who kept asking everyone for money ... unfortunately it was to be used for the usual, we make assumptions about, and this turned 'em nasty  ... the skin colour not good from being unkempt too ... I did not give any when I was asked.

It was when my own finances, were in a mess. 

And although I more attuned to this ...I am quite hard, when it comes to what it can be used for ... 

"Do I buy; when I take donations to the charity shop ... ?"

..." No I do not... I would only be buying back what I have given"!  I retorted ...

I could have set up my own charity shop by now.

or have had many a garage sale 

... The only caveat being you can not give some of the stuff away ... 

... Fluctuations in interests ...

... vary widely ...

And no amount of mood lift attempts to shift it 

Time moves on without me along for the ride at these times

It is so surreal 

to have lived in a time not used to by the majority in this country, 

to then get to live back in amongst that majoity

The Work and living Environments

...not as much head way as you'd think with rules and regs in other areas of life ... 

The greed of space has long been known in travelling for what would have once been called third class ...  Until that was abolished in 1956 for rail travel ... 

Their are several places in this town that would have failed in their gold standards had they been a larger part of a chain or in social housing ... 

The continual regulation change in housing. I was advised at my recent gas safety check that the outside pipe on these systems requires lagging ... There is always someone in and out with new regulations put in place. 

Our safety is of utmost importance with this particulat Housing association. The fact that most of us spend our working day out of the home into sometimes dangerous jobs or environments, has some irony in that. 

And from my observations from post crisis ... Some work environments have actually deteriorated since I was last out and about. It is probably from the recession ... That in part caused my late husband's death ... 

Inspired by our inspiration ... And experience in hoarding

From death day to today

Fellow clear outs in all shard and shapes and forms

Housekeeping life

Today ... My sister 

.. In preparation for working from home after two weeks recuperating from her op to be 

And they took out the documents of a filing cabinet and started shredding info from Dads disability injuries that is no longer required 

The riddance of unwanted clutter in time ...

The Different Styles of Charity Shops 

The cut throat world of charity ... 

The shops who take ages to process your wares to those who put it straight out on the shop floor  ... We have our preferred ones ... We have spread it out over time with the quantity from two homes and a room ... 

The van loads leaving from the other property. That will be an option for large quantities of furniture that was lined all around the master bedroom wall ... when we can back to it .... the stuff retrieved before the mass clear, the newly acquired beds coming back from temporary accomodation  ... 

The new items waiting to go in still full cupboards ... the new stock of food ... My clothes ... Bed linen ... The cleaning and utility equipment struggling for space in cupboards stuffed with things to still get through ... 

This all happened when I could not face looking behind doors or in drawers, for those who did not realise .... during the bumpy patch of non continuity of the care package in place ... In all that stuttering ...the many mutters and tuts and buts ... 

... when the middle of a room is cleared and you finally get to access these spaces ... You are transported with inexplicable feelings of time stood still ... And all old and out of use by now ... 

Bootfairs ... Selling on ... or FreeCycle as it was ... 

The discussion in talk of boot fairs and selling on line ... by some professionals along the way ... did not get the situation ... I may by now look more like them .... I may now smell like them or not ...  I was overwhelmed, not arsed or had a car and no wish to do so for now ... 

The home too has been said it looked like someone who down sized, and tried to fit it all in ... despite the fact this is a spacious flat with a decent size kitchen and bathroom with a pantry ... a cupboard in the entrance small hall and a fitted cupboard in one bedroom ...

It also has an airing cupboard ... And where all flats except ground floor have a cupboard just outside  from the front door ... Ours on the ground floor flats are with the row of sheds in the garden ... 

There is good space ... And for the functions of these spaces ... behind these cupboard doors ... 

When the world away in clutter comes back in line with time and how my home worked for me ... 

My time consuming world ... behind many doors ... 

In Readiness ...

For the farewells of another ... for now ... 

... To ignore the silence ... aimed at her late son ... 

The day is for who we know actually knew ... And not for those who did not understand ... 

The stigma of so much and the ill speak still to this day ... Our daughter realising we are all in destiny of what we do too ... And that her Nana was happy through the ups and downs that came her way ... and this is what matters ... 

It is not what you have materially ... We cherish the spiritual love, the friendship of loyal people, do within our powers of help where it is needed and accept help in times of need too ... and be happy with what you have ... And not what you have not ... 

You can take all this warmth of love and dedication surrounding you from those who love you along your life with you when you pass ... despite the tribulations of life ... it is the unconditional love within us ... 

That is how I have been touched by death ... from how we deal with adversity ... we know what we know ... 

... and love deep was there all in its depth ... in life through death ... 

Types of worship buildings

the love of our church in this county is different to the service soon ...

No ornate architecture or organ ...

No pianist, no songsters and no band ... It has dwindled ...  further since 2001 ...

And no harmonies by the now gone in laws

My father in law himself a proficient musician and pianist ... And they could all carry a tune ...

Instead it will reflect the new ... with the faith of my mum in law ... Our daughter,  the couple who lead the Salvation Army and those involved in putting it all together will praise and celebrate her life in an unique reflection ... with their traditions that flow with the times and further than some with the global community intertwined in the locality each are situated ... 

A continuity throughout the world ... 

The sacred day of rest ...

In these modern times are really noticeable ... 

The life style changed by those past as in Jimmy Hill and many others who get things changed throughout history ... i.e. footballers earnings used to be pittance ... Now it is the other extreme ... For those changes he made ... 

The fact women can juggle life with home and or children with a career which now means the weekends consist (for those who are not able to afford cleaners and nannies etc) of the home chores on this day too  ... Or for single people ... Etc ... 

Those who have more than one job to pay the mortgage ... for again eager beavers who changed with the fact women were now working too .. making it difficult for those in the working class to get a step up  ... Not everyone wants to be in managerial positions ... All aspects of life from those that take our refuse to those who run things should have been in mind ... The class system still exists ... 

In travel albeit we do not travel in trains in the open air in this country now, since the middle of last century ... but woebetide if you dare to sit in first class if you are of a younger age in casual dress when you have booked your ticket in advance online and it turns out less expensive to travel than even in second class ... 

The tales of student travel when challenged by others ... "This is for first class only" ... 

Creepy…

Creepy… The fact of being able to dictate these blokes as always given a lot of amusement ... No blokes  blogger  Log ... 

yes follow my thoughts keep up with me ...  listen to my words ... that's better …

Thank you

It can do a new paragraph but not delete backspace or return ... but it can do. Full stops.

One needs crystal clear diction.

One needs patience.

One needs time to study how to delete etcetera.

Or maybe that's not in its ability to do yet.

The fact that I can talk away ... instead of type makes me think I'm having a conversation

Being away from life around

Still intrigues me for some things have not changed. I am sitting on a bench in a supermarket at the end of a working day for some ... 

• A Mum and Child ... Fast food being eaten as walking along 
• Several business men in suits walking along with milk and fruit, or fruit and fruit or socks 
• Others carrying along flowers for thenselves or others 
• Another Mum and child eating the fast food from the cafe as walking along 
• All the other usual styles of shopping coming and going 
• All quiet as people get home for tea, dinner or supper depending on culture or life style 

And the store I am in ... running like regular clockwork at all the hours that I have witnessed on the different times I have kept in my life changes since my husband has been deceased ... 

Palliative Care

Palliative time again with my daughter using her natural instincts when told no more fluids which distressed my mother in law who was still in need of swabs to drink to ease the dryness ...

the palliative care nurse available for help ... yes... but only office hours ...

good job for mums on the end the of communications 24/7 366 days this particular year ...

Those Devices ...

Depending on personal preferences ... an irritant or a wonderment ... 

With my sister passing on her still useful to use ... gadgets or a gift anew ... or as time passes when I was finding my own niche and I decided to start saving for something to make life streamlined ... passing me on ... for the amount I had put aside to have a model than I would have not been able to get for a while ... A bargain ...

And since made my mini tablet heave a sigh of relieve ... which had until then taken the brunt of wear and tear of my blogging ... and more ... This tablet boots up instanteouly .... It has given me many a hour of taking my mind off my grief for a while ... It has travelled everywhere ... It is easy to pack in a bag and carry and use with such ease ... 

It is on this I have learnt so much with this world of technology ... Those who bemoan this particular model ... I agree too ... You do pay for what you get unfortunately ... The battery life is outstanding ... It boots up before you can blink ... that I am now spoiled and I forget to wait to begin with when I use the original laptop Dad gave for my use on hubbys passing, when at temporary accommodation ... 

It seamlessly works in everything you wish to do ... It is slick ... I am thankful to have had this in my recovery ... And beyond ... 

Blogs blogs and blogs

Saturation of all forms of these logs in business, pleasure, personal. how tos and so it goes. All the add ons, advertising, hints and tips. As usual I follow my path. I write to write. I do that in the limitations with now. It will naturally expand, as it is happening while I go through the various niches of recovery. 

It shows too, when I am more lucid. At the outset it was more about writing, than fussing with design. Part of my upbringing in drawing in to your work, is impact of design. Where and what will be read or not. I just wrote, the design and adjustment will maybe come later?

If my work gives pleasure, helps even one person that we are not alone, in any adversity or helps to understand a mind in and from trauma. That even in this, there is the fascination of rediscovering life again and the fun that can come again. That is more than anything itself. 

It is giving many positive thoughts. And ideas with self publishing ... Vocations ... Mixing writing with a view to a variety of work, of what I am able to do now, once the adaptation to life in a different environment to currently. 

The many aspects of design I have been able to access, is like catching up in my lost time of designing and decor in the home/crafts. It has given me satisfaction too that I have used various images, colours, text and so forth ...

And it gave me a lot of thought and instead of continually thinking ... I took the plunge ...

It started with finding a platform I was comfortable with, naturally evoking my curiosity as I travelled through the new to me then territory from emails, to all things whatever in this world beyond your fingertips or mouth. All the various accessibility to enable all with different abilities in life in our various impairments we might have, like my own Dad who was visually impaired ... It really opened up his world too ...

Another First And Another ...

since life changed ... then change and then changed even more ... 

It would be bizarre to some ... especially if not mentally health minded ...

Another sensational memory created in a moment in time today ... that is the main thing today ... to soothe my mind, spirit and soul ... 

At 10am in the morning ... odd ... not to me ... after adversity and sleep disturbances ... sensational ... 

Back to the Food banks ...

I have finally caught up with this on my travels out today ... the unmanned collection point to donate food in the local supermarket has been removed ... in the life of plenty or in our bubbles some do not get the concept of little, when life is a daily struggle to some, through no fault of theirs. 

My husband had to busk at one point, in time. At the time it was not always understood.

We had one donation of food from a church. It is was not easily accessible or consistent then. When it started to appear post crisis, I naturally supported it, even though I still do not have much, myself. 

Throughout our childhood, for my husband the Salvation Army, for myself when I was a Brownie, Guide, Young Leader and those school years or attending church, we do it through various means to help those in the communities. Or sending shoe boxes of other goodies, to far off places, etc.

It is now a loss to not have that point to leave food. I will pop in my local bank, who had a collection point long before the local superstore did, to see if it is still there. I hardly go in there these days.

With the amount of food tossed. The inequalities in the world. Fortunately there are plenty of us who quietly or publically campaign, so I am sure it will be back, one way or another. 

I have also had the opportunity to volunteer at our sorting point, ready to distribute, I am still struggling to get rid of the other excesses in life of another who was unwell. 

I have been very much entertained whilst

living in a flat ... Both my husband and Dad had a banter going with a name I cannot recall presently. Almost virtually everybody have turned their nose up. It is vastly different to our last abode, a listed scenic situated cottage in a well to do area, It was by a river that dried up in the year we moved in, to many times nearly breaching the banks when we moved from there. We have seen a spectrum of life in living in such diverse places. You hardly get cold callers here, at the flat. At our other home we had many, they would put the price up too.

Yet some pay a hefty price to live in loft style or riverside apartments etc. On top and under others. We are all different. This has certainly been interesting for me. 

Our flat is lovely and central for easy access for other parts of this country. The fact in that both public transport of buses and trains are a hop skip and a jump away, for getting both locally and to either Central London one way or Ashford International onto and beyond the Euro tunnel etc. the other. And in the opposite direction, the very nearby interchange and network of roads, with the M25 built within the time I have been in the area. This takes you to the Dartford Tunnel etc one way or my area that was, the other, including my birth county. And so much more.

I live on the ground floor and currently under occupy, much to the annoyance to some. We had ground floor originally, due to husbands fading mobility. Now it is good for me. I don't think anyone here who have seen my prior floods, would like me living above them at the moment, while I recover my life, presently. 

I have been supported in living here, until I am ready to occupy a less family oriented home. It is still not quite absolutely certain where daughter would continue her studies. She had the opportunity to go to a more local uni in London (where if it is more appropriate to continue there) or Wales or where she eventually went on gaining her A levels etc. And it all depends on so many things like me. Everyone knows if I find something really good vocationally here, I might postpone my other eventual move and move into a better needed property for my needs, here. 

It has also been interesting living in social housing, when my husband medically retired from his career. We as a family been very much involved in social housing, learning and helping others in this process. It is a good community. My husband was a tenant board member which involves other committees and in house training, opportunities to sit on panels etc. Our daughter was involved in all aspects too. I have followed it on a tad. I have had a lot of opportunities too, for I have been well supported at times. I could if so wished work in this area when I am ready ... There is an office in my town or a train journey to head office. It has been an avenue I have thought about. 

My journey has been interspersed with ...

many tales and I have met various people. I cannot recall certain aspects for the common theme throughout is of unwritten respect of confidentiality outside of those meetings. 

I only know that for the amount of different tales and experiences that the help out there, is rationed by therapy to reach out to has many people as can be. It does not touch the surface of what is still not available routinely, for certain aspects of mental health ... especially before it tips into the unequal balance of the mind as with our family member when the mental capacity was not reconsidered right up to the death, it was not revisited and rechecked as it would have been with with our physical health ... especially women ...

I have always been amused with the way men were treated, before men's health was more thought of, when my own father in law on reaching the certain age ... was advised to make an appointment, it was patronising and sexist ... and if as with women he had had a routine test every now and then for his area of cancer ... he would have lived a bit longer. 

Fortunately since then, letters are sort of better explained and updated with the regulations of the correct language in place, since those days ... for physical health ... and only just seeping through in some areas of mental health although you need your own wits about you ... It is not standard across all the care as in my case .... unless I am missing something ...

... Wonky ... Waste of Food ... Food Banks ..

my family advised me of my local supermarket starting to roll out the selling of wonky vegetables ... in some of its stores ... just as the news seeping through of the food banks donations in this particular store ceasing to be ... ?

This is the life that passed by and I did not miss. The way marketing is done through the back door and the grotesque waste of food and the inequalities throughout time. And those who have not seen the life outside of the personal life of plenty ... with no thought or knowledge of those who can struggle ... or have no clean water ... or like us a dying person ... left in the cold, in the bleak mid winter ... in this country ...

Our heads in our mobile phones ...

I would look like I am a social media addict ... that is the perception.

I was in the Dentist last year, turning my phone to silent and checking my reminders ... It seemed I was a bad example, for a Dad who was with his daughters, one of them proceeded to get their mobile out too. The Dad pointed to a sign up displaying the words ... No mobile phones ...

And all the words and signs that surround us ... too much information ...

We are surrounded by words, I find all the notices and especially in supermarkets a bit overwhelming ... so mostly I am unable to register all the words. It is been interesting to say the least. I have been reprimanded, curtly told this cash till is closed, pointing to the sign ... In another store I notice the 'Till Closed' sign ... because it simply says the words ... with no slogans or adverts, obliterating the words that matter 

Already the redesigned local cafe ...

have made those tweaks and adjustments when something is newly done ... They have removed the bar and stools to make way for the cosier tables ... 

The shops are all about pancakes and stocking up the freezer promotions. The shelves are also well stocked for the spring cleaning ... The remnants of Christmas now gone ...  And of course the romance of a certain day, coming up. I am really pleased to see people take the time to say goodbye to whoever ... It makes a change from all the narkiness about ... you never know when that finally goodbye ... comes ... 

Films Age Like One ...

Getting to see, sometimes new, or already seen, an array of films and movies, reminding each time you get to see an old movie. It really shows the age of life ... not just us aging ...

I have seen sometimes, unintentionally the way the genres, directors, writers, actors, cinematographers through the times portray the life of times and ways ... non fictional or not. They have screened silent ones, black and white ones, the remakes, romantic, blatant violence, the old fashioned kisses and eroticism through the times. The early advent of colour, the old fashioned titles with '........' to the fancy styles we now have. Sometimes trying to outdo each other, with the opening credit styles too, to capture you into the atmosphere of what is to follow.

Even when you are at home and away from the world, with the news reminding you of your own personal events and the laws of life irritating you ... one can escape to the history and life in a less newsy way ...

The room that was lost to me ...

January 2016

The Kitchen

My sister thinks I fuss too much in this room ... Who knows ...  I was pottering about yet again early this evening. I made some cheese and tomato bread. This is the fact now, I can on a whim ... just make and bake. 

The home smells of home cooking tonight. It was one of those moments where the first taste of something different, again, in this particular kitchen, was beyond words. It is now syncing homemade soup, with homemade bread. A healthy way of making sure I am having the right nutrients, still much needed ... with a lack of interest in food, at times ... 

Where once ...

On first travelling back to Kernow after the aftermath of all that be felled us... the strangest thing on arrival there, besides the strange, but familiar environment, was the fact there were no dogs to welcome you, as was the norm ... besides the fact alone of never seeing them again ...

On Christmas Day, last I was snuggled up with the family dog at times, on spending the holidays with family up North... where once I would have had a dog or cat... I am not sure if I too, could say another goodbye ...

Landfill ... Recycling ... Clutter ... and Charity Shops ...

Our council is not quite on par with other councils ... and what you can actually recycle is very limited, still. This is another clutter issue ... space to line up the bottles, cans, paper, plastic, compost, and garden waste sometimes all separately, as can happen with my family and friends elsewhere in the country. 

For now the limitations suit me with our council; but not for the land. 

We have a small paper, cardboard, glass, can and clothes, shoes recycle bank, just a hop, skip and a jump away from where I live. That is another reason to go out for a walk out via this recycle area ... I attempt to clear as I go...  in the one touch rule that used to be ... before we were neglected.

Other ways of getting rid of the normal rituals of everyday life of new cars, white goods and other items particularly with a growing family ... but again excess clutter ... it is too overwhelming ...

I am not for making money over the web or other means as yet ... dollar signs do not ping in my eyes, or way of life. Again, time constraints in a cluttery life. And coming to pick up the goods with limited social skills. All this options I have attempted, or tried to research. It is too much faffing about with the volume here. Especially with the re-structuring of routines etc, 

Thank goodness for Charity Shops ... or people in need of things ...

This is the simple option for me, presently ... it is a case of filling up my shopping trolley, or a bag and taking on a journey out ... no fuss ... no transactions ... 

It is amazing what you can off load for them to make money or use ... I am not going into the bad name of all the money not always going where it should ... My philosophy has been if it makes other people happy for that moment ... whether the items are selected by whoever, before sorting and coding for sell ... or for the office supplies ... it has fulfilled a use ... rather than the landfill  ... 

Re design of the cafe ...

In a certain local supermarket ... It is now an express eat in or takeaway with cardboard cups and plastic cutlery ... 

A now limited menu of mostly unhealthy foods ... On par with the empty food of other certain chains. It reduces the staffing levels in washing and clearing up. Increases the illnesses this type of food is known to bring ... That is what partly killed my husband ... The strands of his health being killed by numerous set of unfortunate circumstances... 

And the amount of people walking badly with skin of a deathly colour is still continuing ... Add that to a non homely environment ... As with us ... Stress brings comfort elsewhere in the badness of life 

Even the professionals and the government dictate even though we have human rights issues involved these days in allowing us to live and work supposedly safely  ... But stand by and watch or let people die in hospital corridors ... Or environments within their own home ... Etc etc 

A Visit from the Site Manager to see how the repaired wall ...

was with my Mum today ... vehicles are now approaching the site from another entrance ... It gives the foundation's a bit of a reprieve ... 

Many, Many, Many, Words

have passed through this time. Observations on me and my ways now. My family see a very different Sally to the one they knew, before verbal contact was lost. 

I appreciate what has been relayed. 

I am different, my outlook is different. I will not waste time on certain things yet ... I did when I did not enter that cold world, some of us experience when we say goodbye for now, to those who meant so much to us. Add that to a life completely ripped apart, the empty nest, plans unfinished ... it goes on ... 

I was pre-warned, not from the professionals who should have been there, but thankfully someone on how I would feel on entering that home; when it was first cleared back ... before the forgotten temp accommodation stuff came back ... 

That Garden Wall ... From Impatience to Debris on a Monday ... The Repairs started the next day ...a Tuesday ...

And finished on a Wednesday ...

The corner of Mum's garden where the wall was accidentally demolished, is now back in place from the debris strewn across the pavement. This had happened when an impatient lorry driver tried to get past a car blocking part of the junction misjudging the space left ...  If it was to happen ... it was handy they were a building site firm.

It is usually done ... dreckly. 

Moody Monday into Tweaking Tuesday ...

following on from the last post ... after an email from my sister to get the broken wall swiftly fixed without any injury ... the builders from the site started to fix the ruined wall, the following day. Progress.

I await news today on further progress. I am kept in the loop with this for my information, which means I am coming back. This is the difficulty of setting up home away from my family and friends, when you meet someone in a different area. It would not be so bad, if there was not so much prejudice with the complexity of hubby ... I will not go into detail ... again it is not for me to discuss publically certain elements within prejudice so close to home here ... that adversely affects our daughter too ...

With loving support; we get through it ... it helps us, in helping others, who too are in similar positions, to ease the mind off our own dilemmas and we are not alone ...

Moody Monday ...

on the bluest day of the year. While I was in Cornwall with my family, they had just started building near Mum's. Consequently heavy goods vehicles are making regular and thundering trips on and off site passing by their home. Today a car parked awkwardly at the junction, and the lorry got impatient, misjudged the gap and knocked down the corner of the garden wall. It was witnessed by a neighbour, who assisted Mum in getting the start of this organising the work, this now involves. The driver did not knock on the door to say he had damaged the property. Apparently he was angry. The driver who parked awkwardly was not happy either. It is my family who have the hassle, that our Mum does not need. The garden is her sanctuary, and more so in her life now, without our late Dad. At least so far, no one is hurt. It will make the wall unstable and us liable, although in this instance, there was a witness. 

Mundane Mash Making

with the dishes it still creates for one alone to clear up ... instead of the perpetual jacket I get teased for, the ease of just slotting it in the oven, compact in its skin with minimal fuss and clearing up after, creating a warm kitchen in the process. I did a twist on the mash today using what I had in stock.

Reminding me of a blog once read of a designer; who had knitters usually of a certain age for the reliability in getting their designs knitted up consistently. And picking up the knitting, while the potatoes were on the boil ... I loved the the way the men once and now in our life, and their way in the patience and skill in this task, creating the right texture and taste. The latest male in the family sharing his secrets of a good mash. Another shared interest with my daughters boyfriend.

It also reminded me of last year, when the crisis team came into my life, with their daily visits on the weekend. They enjoyed the delicious smell eliminating out the kitchen, as I improved in my well being. That was a jacket potato cooking. It was a shame they were too busy to share in a simple basic meal, they too enjoyed for that moment in time. 

Much Amuses me

As it frustrates ...

A certain crisp brand thinking it is being wonderful to reduce the packaging, to save space and easier to store by repackaging a design, I thought long overdue.

A little product is the norm across most food products ... for a lot of price. 

Or on those BOGOF; which again can be wasteful. 

The food industry is full of waste. And mess. Again being surrounded by waste and mess in daily life, you become desensitised. It is probably why some people that did pass through our home, did ot know how to deal with mess ... and mind ... 

The Shadows ...

... still evident again on my recent travels ... It is so good when I get to open spaces. It is a shame Austrailia is so far away. The expanse of land there would suit me. I can hear the negative retorts now. Just as I did at the Eden Project when I said I could live here, on seeing a simple natural building with a veranda looking out and conversing with nature. A passing gentleman made the usual jovial comic retort on the down side on living in such an environment, on hearing my comment. 

All the Senses Come into Play ...

The vibrancy of colour after the dankness, the smells of laundry gels on people, not just the perfume or aftershave, but the smell of whether clothes were freshly washed or not. 

The sounds outside were a din to me. Hearing the sound of my own voice. The touch of the outside air on my skin. The wind through my hair. Feeling the breeze on a summers day. The petals on the ground in the spring. Scrunching through the colourful leaves in the Autumn. After a while even the grey days of the winter, with the mist hanging in the low sky. The clouds. the sunsets. The dawns. The dramatic skies from a blue, blue sky on a sunny day or the red skies in the morning, the orange glow at night to the storm clouds brewing. The whiteness of clouds set against the green, green trees.

One Thundery day last August, walking in a storm. And more recently getting drenched on the walk home from a journey up North. All the feels, the touch, smells sights and sounds we bemoan about, as well as get excited over from being out and about. When you do not see it for a while, it is amazing ...